Daring Greatly by Brene Brown Book Review

Would you believe that the best way to dare greatly is by being vulnerable?

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both. ~Brene Brown

And that’s how her book Daring Greatly begins.

This book explores the idea of “never enough” and the myths of vulnerability before moving in to how we can defend ourselves when we’re vulnerable. It identifies the problems with how disengaged humanity has become, and how we can disrupt the status quot to improve engagement.

And first, we need to look within and figure out why we are so afraid of being vulnerable.

Fear Makes Us Anxious

When we think people are judging us, we get uncomfortable. No one likes to be criticized.

We are hardwired to be a part of a pack. Solitary confinement or banishment were genuine punishments. Back in ancient history, we humans needed to hang together to survive.

So, according to Brene Brown, we think that being vulnerable is a weakness. We mask our true feelings in order to stay in the pack.

Dr. Brown’s definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

This almost sounds like falling in love with someone, doesn’t it?

When we fall in love with ourselves and choose to live our lives authentically, it’s risky and uncertain.

And that’s where courage comes in.

Leaning In to Uncertainty

While it goes against most of our social norms, we need to have more courage in leaning in to uncertainty.

It’s OK to not know.

It’s OK to feel out of control.

What’s not OK is to act like everything is under control and you know everything. At that point, you have up shields that prevent you from really making a human connection with someone else.

I Don’t Do Vulnerability

I laughed when Brene Brown said “There is no getting out of vulnerability free” card. Our lives do become better when we accept that Life is vulnerable.

We need to accept and embrace our vulnerability in order to make those true connections that we as humans need.

But, on the flip side, that doesn’t mean “oversharing.” In actuality, those who overshare are really just putting up walls so people don’t see the “real” them.

It can also be seen as desperation or a wounded individual seeing attention.

True vulnerability has boundaries. And we learn how to build up relationships with others, and slowly become more vulnerable as trust is built.

Fighting the Never Enough Culture

Dr. Brown focused the first chapter on the current social media culture. We spend too much time looking for false connections there that don’t really give us what we need.

And it’s increasing narcissistic behavior with people posting lots of selifies and worrying too much about how many likes or comments they’ll get.

Unfortunately, this leads us to feelings of “never enough.” We’re never good enough, or perfect, or thin, or powerful, or smart, etc. because we’re constantly comparing our real selves with the fake selves other people post.

We also become afraid of saying or doing things that may seem different out of fear of becoming disconnected from the group.

Shame Has No Place In Your Life

The next part of the book has Dr. Brown exploring the concept of shame. She explains how you need to work past shame to get to vulnerability.

You can’t hold yourself back worrying what others may think of you.

First, she explores how everyone has good and “bad” qualities. We can’t define ourselves by just the bad qualities. We need to embrace the as an opportunity to grow. And we need to let our good qualities shine.

Next, she pulls it back around to daring greatly. It is your life, not someone else’s. Therefore, you need to have courage to be your true self and shake off shame or any fear associated with that.

How Do You Close the Disengagement Divide?

I don’t want to tell you everything in the book. I did want to mention the chapter on how we can close the gap and initiate true change and create more connections in our lives.

We need to understand how our culture currently is. Cultures do change over the years.

Think how much our culture has changed thanks to smartphones and online ordering.

We are all going to need courage to rebuild our abilities to make meaningful connections with other people. The internet has shrunk the world, and yet in some ways, it made it larger.

Some things in our culture will always be negative. It’s a part of change and how we then need to evaluate how well something worked.

To be vulnerable, we need to make it okay for people to make mistakes and learn from them.

Dr. Brown then explores the idea that we do not intentionally create cultures that fuel disengagement and disconnection. So how does it happen?

The starting point is with us. We cannot give people what we do not have.

This gap between our practiced values and our ideal values can cause the feeling of shame. We’re not living up to our self-imposed expectations.

And it’s not just us. As a society, we may want to take care of everyone. But the reality falls short. So we collectively shut down. The longer it goes on, the more we become disconnected.

It was a fascinating idea.

The chapter continues with strategies for living with more aligned values. Then the book focuses on parenting and how to stay connected and raise children who have the courage to be vulnerable and have honest relationships with others.

My Final Thoughts

I deeply appreciate Brene Brown’s fundamental ideals.

• Love and belonging are irreducible needs of everyone. We are hardwired for connection. This is what gives our life purpose.
• We need to believe that we are worthy of love and belonging. It’s time we stopped struggling and learn to embrace this.
• This belief doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a belief that we must cultivate and choose daily to live wholeheartedly.

When we are living with our whole heart, we are courageous, compassionate and connected. We can be vulnerable, and we can be a safe place for others to feel vulnerable.

And it is only when we are wholehearted that we can dare greatly.

You can find this book online or in your local bookstore or library. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.