If you’re interested in a thought provoking book on women, ambition, and equality, you should get a copy of Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg.

Who Is Sheryl Sandberg

Sheryl has had a varied and interesting career. She started in American politics working for an economic adviser. From there, she got into Google in their early days and built up their advertising and publishing products.

Then she took the leap over to Facebook to become their COO. In 2012, she became the eighth member (and first woman) on Facebook’s board of directors.

In her blog, she said, “If I had to embrace a definition of success, it would be that success is making the best choices we can, and accepting them.”

What Is Leaning In

Leaning in is the philosophy of pushing yourself forward no matter what is pushing you back.

If you’re walking and it’s very windy, you often have to lean in to the wind to make forward progress. More often than not, it’s our own fears that we’re leaning in to in order to ignite our dreams.

In Sheryl’s case, she means to work smarter in building your career and life, not harder.

She’s pretty clear that you do not want to work yourself to the bone. You need to learn how to set boundaries, and take appropriate time off.

Sheryl spent some time discussing how she decided to leave the office by 5PM so she could be home to have dinner with her kids. Then once they were in bed, she’d work for a few more hours.

What Did I Like

This book was a fun read as well as very inspiring. Sheryl discussed how the problems in the workplace are a balance. It’s the way it is because it’s always been that way. And women are waiting for other people to make the big changes.

Lean In teaches how small decisions can have a large impact for both you and others in your organization now and in the future. For example, when Sheryl was pregnant and working at Google, she said there needed to be special close parking for pregnant women.

Until she had gotten pregnant, it had never occurred to her that such a thing would be worthwhile. Another great Sheryl quote is “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.”

This book had me questioning some of my current habits (ruts?) and make me start to look at where I could make some small changes that would impact my whole life and those around me.

Life Is A Jungle Gym Not A Ladder

Often, we’re taught that we need to climb the ladder of success. But the truth is that we’re happier and more successful if we treat our careers as a jungle gym and make lateral moves as well as vertical moves.

Often, we think we need to have a singular passion, and don’t move forward because we don’t know what that passion is.

Our passion may be more subtle, and we can learn to express it in each stepping stone we take along our path.

Another really great book is So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love by Cal Newport. His findings are in complete agreement with Sheryl’s.

Look for opportunities in unusual places.

Don’t say no because you’ve never done it before or because you don’t think it is on the right path. Your path may actually be somewhere else but you’ll never know until you try different things.

The Myth of Doing It All

Are you feeling guilty because you didn’t get everything done on your ridiculously long to-do list?

It’s time to stop that.

Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we can do it all any more than men could. We’re far too hard on ourselves.

Having it all can mean that we’re satisfied with where we’re at. It doesn’t mean we don’t want to improve in some areas. And life is always in a continual state of change. Therefore, what worked today isn’t necessarily going to work tomorrow.

It’s time to be more open to making mistakes as a means of growing and learning.

And having a balanced life isn’t limited to those with children. Although, as Sheryl says in the book, “It is impossible to control all the variables when it comes to parenting.”

Sheryl was quite adamant that people who aren’t married and who don’t have kids should be just as firm with setting boundaries in order to have a life outside of work.

So don’t try to do it all.  Have your priorities, and manage your life as best you can.

Are You My Mentor

This was eye opening for me. Often, we think we need to find a mentor.

And this mentor will help us become wildly successful.

We think our biggest problem is that we don’t know how to find one.

Have you heard of the story Acres of Diamonds? A farmer has some land that he’s farmed for a long while. He decides to sell it and then go become a diamond miner. The problem is he never bothered to educate himself as to what a diamond in the rough looked like, and plot twist ending was that his original farm was covered with raw diamonds that he didn’t recognize.

The moral of the story is that often we have what we need, but we don’t realize it.

Sheryl teaches us that there are two types of mentors – advocates and advisers. Some can be both.

Don’t ask someone to be your mentor. Instead, ask them specific questions as to what you should do next to solve a problem. When they give you an answer, follow through with it.

If you’re a little nervous, start by asking them for book recommendations, or classes that helped them get where they’re at in their career.

You can follow back up with them letting them know you listened to them, and ask what to do next. They will become an advocate quickly.

An advocate is someone who has your back in the company. They may recommend you for promotion, or help nip any negative gossip in the bud.

What Did I Not Like

There wasn’t much. I didn’t agree with everything she thought, and that’s fine. A good book should stretch your brain a bit, and enable you to think about things in different ways.  I do think the idea of having the ability to choose whatever you want is important. I just felt the book was a little too slanted towards every woman should have a corporate career.

And while I do think corporate careers can be fulfilling for some, others are only happy as entrepreneurs. And then there are others who have their own paths.

Entrepreneurship

I do love the meta-message that you should be able to choose whatever you want in life, and that goes for both men and women. Often we don’t have that choice due to unconscious bias or happenstance. And unfortunately, you hold yourself back due to overwhelm, right? You’re not sure what your next step should be.

So a big key lesson is lean in to where you’re at and find happiness. Then look for opportunities that come up.

Have you noticed that you’re most stressed and unhappy when you don’t feel like you’re in control of your life?

So as opposite as it may seem, you may find yourself happier if you start a small business on the side. I chose InnerOrigin and can tell you more about it if you’re interested. I wrote about side business ideas in Ignite Your Wealth with Passive Income.

My Final Thoughts

I think it’s a lovely idea of all mankind working together towards equality in the sense that we are truly free to choose our own paths free of bias. I loved her idea that “In the future there will be no female leaders. There will be just leaders.”

One of the main messages in this book is about how we as women hold ourselves back due to lack of self-confidence. We need to realize that everyone feels that way, and that we need to move forward despite our insecurities.

If you’re interested in learning more, there’s also a community site filled with instructional videos, learning materials, and inspirational stories. You could also learn how to put together small support groups called Lean In Circles to build a local community.