Book Reviews

Tender At the Bone: Growing Up At the Table Book Review

This week I wanted to share a different type of inspirational book. Tender At the Bone was an unusual look into the life of someone who became famous for cooking and restaurant reviews.

If you’ve ever wished to be famous but thought it could never happen to you, read this book.

I think one of the fascinating aspects of Ruth’s memoir is that she was living her life without realizing how extraordinary her simple choices would become.

Each experience would build upon prior ones, and choices made with other people in her life gave her an unusual story.

Well, upon reflection, she found the story that ran through her life. And thankfully she shared it with us.

Family Reflections

The book dives into Rachel’s mother and her manic episodes. We find out later in the book that her mother suffered from manic depression, and found some relief through medication later in life.

But Ruth learned early that her mom would buy cheap foods that were near or past their expiration date, and stuff them in the refrigerator. She would eventually throw things together and host parties a few days after that.

Ruth made it her mission to ensure people didn’t get food poisoning. She wasn’t always successful. And she had to cope with her father thinking her mother’s cooking was fine.

Her frustration at not being able to control the situation around her taught her how to control herself and her reactions.

Love and Understanding from Others

There were family friends who took Ruth under their wings. And from them, she learned how to cook simple things well. And then she was able to accelerate her skills.

One time, Ruth and the cook recreated the dinner from her benefactor’s wedding.

Later on in the book, at the benefactor’s 100th birthday party, Ruth had to gently get her mother out of the way, throw out all the bad food, and work with caterers to again recreate the menu from the wedding. Ruth made the cake.

She knew that food can bring back memories and feelings.

School Reflections

One summer, the Reichl family vacationed in France. Ruth mentioned offhand to her mother about how she wished she could speak French as well as her mother did.

When they went back, her mother enrolled her in a school in Canada that spoke only French and was Catholic. Ruth went from having her friends to knowing no one. She wasn’t even able to talk to anyone since the girls only spoke French.

When asked, her mother told her that it was the best way for her to learn – immersion. Ruth wondered later in life if it was that or if her mom wanted her out of the house for a time.

Back Home for High School

Ruth was able to transfer back to her local high school to finish up her last few years of lower education.

Her parents then spent more time up at their other home in the country. Ruth suffered from something very common to teenagers – she didn’t feel like she was pretty enough.

So she would invite everyone over to her empty house and cook for them. This was when she really learned to hone the skills she learned growing up.

Like all of us, she made the mistake thinking that if she did things for others, they would like her. I suspect many liked her for the vivacious personality she really is.

On to College

To escape her parents, Ruth went to University in the middle of the United States. There were no easy ways to quickly come home.

Ruth learned independence and all the life lessons that it brings. She was able to get a job so she could have spending money.

There were many funny stories that came out of this time that you’ll enjoy in the book.

One I want to mention is the time she and her college roommate went on holiday to Tunisia because it was inexpensive.

They were “adopted” by two young men who wanted them to learn about the good side of Tunesia as well as the food and hospitality. Getting taken care of was another major theme in Ruth’s life.

It has allowed her to see all the sides of a culture and their cuisine and then share it with us. Another theme that I appreciated was her belief that people are genuinely good and helpful.

Finding Self-Worth

In the latter part of the book, we see Ruth finding her voice. She’s working in a restaurant while married and living in a communal home that they bought together.

But then her husband gets an amazing opportunity to be an artist-in-residence back in New York. And Ruth has to deal with her mom again as well as her jealousy that her father and husband get along so well.

And we learn, as she did, that life is a process. We’re never truly free of our past, but we can learn to make peace with it. And I suspect writing this book helped give Ruth the perspective she needed.

What I Loved About This Book

One of my favorite parts was how she opened the book with a story that she knew was probably based on some truth, but the telling of it had expanded over the years.

Then Ruth warns us that everything in the book is true, but it may not be entirely factual. She said, “I learned early that the most important thing in life is a good story.”

My Final Thoughts

There are recipes in this book. But they aren’t necessarily ones you’d want to make like her mother’s corned beef ham. They are great for giving you a true feeling of life through food memories.

It never occurred to me to reflect upon my life and choices and look for a central story that ran through it.

Yet when I did, I saw how I grew emotionally. I saw how I would sometimes use the maturity wisely with decisions, ad other times, I would make a choice that didn’t appear to be in my best interest.

All through it, I learned and grew.

Set aside some time and reflect upon your life and the decisions you made. How did you get where you are today?

And what decisions will you need to make to get where you want to go?

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