Taking care of yourself is the rocket fuel you need to ignite your life.

If you’ve flown, you know the directions always say to put your oxygen mask on before helping others. But how often do we take care of ourselves before we try to take care of others?

And it doesn’t work well, does it?

How can we give when we’re drained?

In today’s blog, I’ll tell you why it’s important to spend some time on yourself first and easier ways to set boundaries.

Recharge Your Batteries

You may think you only need to recharge before a major event like a presentation or a family reunion. But the truth is that you should regularly fill your batteries.

And a few times a year, you should get away from it all and fully recharge your body and soul. I love that the word “treat” is in the word “retreat.”  You’re treating yourself by taking a personal retreat!

Why It’s So Important

When you are feeling at your peak, you will have more patience for others.

It reduces your feelings of stress. Often, when we’re stressed, it’s a response to everything going on around us. When we’re calm and centered physically and mentally, we’re able to cope with the little things that pop up every day.

Have you noticed that it’s usually not one thing that stresses us out but rather a lot of little things compounding our stress?

You will also find you’re more creative when you’re relaxed and calm. Often, we just need a creative solution for the problems in front of us that are stressing us out.

Carve Out Some Quiet

Meditation is a great way to find your personal center. Journaling is another wonderful way to get out the negativity and find your gratitude.

A walk can also help to gain perspective.  If you’re in the middle of a stressful situation, it’s okay for you to request a break. Set a time to continue the discussion, and then go out for a walk to get fresh air and physical activity.

I know this is not easy, but one of the best ways to recharge is to turn off the electronics or the wifi. Don’t surf or do social media. Don’t do email. I’d still need to be able to use my Kindle or Nook so I could read some good books.

Another way to recharge your batteries is to take a drive and do some sightseeing. You could also take a nap or a relaxing bath.

Self-care doesn’t have to take a lot of time. You just need to make the choice to disengage and find your balance again.

10 Steps to Self-Care

I found this on a meme image on the internet. I think it’s perfect.

1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it.
2. Say “exactly” what you mean.
3. Don’t be a people pleaser.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Never speak badly about yourself.
6. Never give up on your dream.
7. Don’t be afraid to say “No.”
8. Be kind to yourself.
9. Let go of what you can’t control.
10. Stay away from drama and negativity.

Leaders Who Recharge

The most successful leaders often take time off for themselves away from work. Sir Richard Branson often takes long vacations or relaxing at home. He leaves his smartphone somewhere else so he’s not tempted to check it.

Reed Hastings, the CEO of Netflix, takes six weeks of vacation every year. He says he does his best thinking when he’s hiking in the mountains.

Marissa Mayer, the former CEO of Yahoo, maintained balance in her life by taking a week-long vacation every four months.

Learning to Say No So You Can Say YES

How often do you say yes to things you know you shouldn’t (like volunteering or taking on an extra assignment) that keep you from spending really focused time on the important things?

This is probably the biggest cause of stress in our lives.

Why can’t we say no? Usually it’s because we want people to like us. We need to realize people will still like us if we say no to something that’s not urgent nor important to us.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

What are boundaries? They’re your personal limits that you set for how you expect to be treated by others.

It keeps you from feeling resentful, victimized, and that feeling that you were taken advantage of.

In order to have healthy boundaries, you need to understand your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual limits. You may not know at the time, but you certainly will know afterwards.

That’s why taking some time out to journal or meditate is important so you can start identifying what you’re willing to tolerate and accept.

Tune into your feelings and learn to trust them. Accept that you have the right to have these boundaries. If someone isn’t respecting them, that’s their character flaw, not yours.

It’s also okay for you to change. You may have put up with some behavior or situations in the past. And you no longer wish to do that.  Practicing self-care will also help you have the courage to gently push back when people are ignoring your limits.

How to Say No

When you say no to something, you should be clearly connected to your priorities.

Don’t explain in great detail because that could open up a discussion. You should be honest even if you are vague.

Take some time to rehearse saying no. That way, you will have the words if someone catches you at a bad moment. Try to have a default response like:

• “That doesn’t work for me this time.”
• “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m sorry I can’t help you with that right now.”
• “Thank you for asking, but that isn’t going to work out for me.”
• “I can’t do that but XX probably could. I’ll ask XX for you.”
• “Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support. I’m sorry I’m not able to help you at this time.”
• “I can’t speak at your event, but I will help promote it on my social media.”
• “I appreciate you asking me, but my time is already committed/I’m already booked on that day.”
• “I wish I could, but it’s not going to work right now.”
• “I promised my coach/boss/spouse that I wouldn’t take on any more projects right now because I’m working on more balance with my priorities.”
• “I don’t have time right now. Let me recommend someone who may be able to help you.”

Sometimes you want to say yes, but there’s just something that isn’t working out, like perhaps the date. Have you ever tried to make lunch plans with someone and trying to sync up your calendars?

So try to communicate that you are still interested such as “None of those dates work for me, but I would love to see you.” And then offer additional dates.

Another good one is “I can’t put anything else on my calendar this month. I’d love to do that with you sometime. Would you please call me right before you go again?”

If you’re not sure, you can ask for time to think about it.

What if they persist?

You just need to repeat your phrase gently but firmly. If they still won’t accept it, then you will need to tell them your honest feelings. Focus on your emotions and how their refusal to accept your honest answer is making you feel angry or uncomfortable.

Finally, don’t be afraid to say a definite No to something. Saying Maybe will keep the stress hanging over your head, and may set unrealistic expectations with the other person.

The “Downside” of This

As you become more in tune with your feelings and boundaries, you will start to notice that some people and places drain you more than others.

You may start to avoid them.

For some people (and places), that is okay. It’s part of being a successful human to grow in all areas.

Another idea is to look for ways where you can gently adjust the situation so you’re not as drained. Or you go in knowing what will happen, and be well centered and recharged before you go into that.

If you learn how to adjust a situation to work better for you, it helps you grow as an individual. I read an example once about a woman who was concerned about her finances and health.

When she got together with friends, they’d meet in a bar and drink quite a bit.

The woman worked with her friends to try different activities like hiking or going to a movie instead of the bar. Most of the rest of her friends also appreciated not spending quite so much money as well as how they felt the next morning.

So you may need to be more assertive about your own needs.

And if the place that’s draining you is your work, you can learn to find happiness in your job, or you can find another job.

Good Books

When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manual J. Smith

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen R. Covey

Self-Assertion for Women by Pamela Butler

Believe It to Achieve It by Brian Tracy and Christina Stein, PhD

Start Where You Are by Meera Lee Patel

My Final Thoughts

Part of self-care is recognizing your feelings, and learning how to honor them. Your feelings are an important clue about your personal well-being.

When you put yourself first, you’ll increase your energy and peace of mind. You’ll have a more positive outlook, and will be able to cope with stressful situations more easily.

This allows you to ignite your dreams because you’ll also be able to say “Yes” to what’s important and urgent to you and “No” to everything else. Focus is vital when achieving your dreams.

Don’t expect to be able to change overnight. That’s the fastest way to failure.

Try finding some smaller area of your life where you can set a boundary and practice being assertive about it. And start with short walks or regular meditation to build up your self-care habits.

You’ll find that together, you’ll be igniting your life and happiness.