One of the best ways you can truly take care of yourself is by learning to set boundaries. But what do I mean when I say to set boundaries?

Boundaries could be defined as the limits you set with people for what behaviors you find acceptable and unacceptable towards yourself.

Learn What Your Boundaries Are

You probably already know a bit of what your boundaries are by experience, but maybe you haven’t actually put them in words. Your self-worth tends to define a lot of your boundaries.

You have professional and personal boundaries. Our professional boundaries are could include what kind of company we’re comfortable working for, or how many hours we will work.

Personal boundaries are the ones we set with our friends and family.

The interesting thing is that the boundaries are similar in nature, yet we have different metrics for people we work with compared to people we choose to spend time with.

The Five Personal Boundaries

Psychology Today identified five personal boundaries as intellectual, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual.

Intellectual boundaries are your right to have your own thoughts and opinions, and you accept that others have theirs. Emotional boundaries are similar but have to do with your feelings. And spiritual boundaries are your spiritual beliefs

Your physical boundaries are your sense of personal space. It also includes how you present yourself physically to the world. You may wish to express yourself by wearing makeup, or you may not. I have one friend who will not leave the house without mascara. That is her boundary based on her sense of self-worth.

Your social boundaries are connected to your choice of friends as well as social activities.

Using Your Journal for Learning to Set Your Boundaries

I hope you do journal regularly. When you do, you’ll start to see patterns emerge in common situations.

Perhaps you’re the one everyone goes to when they need to offload some tasks, and you’re feeling overwhelmed. That’s a hint to yourself that you need to identify and set firmer boundaries about what you’re willing to do.

How to Set Your Boundaries

Often we worry about saying no to someone out of fear it will hurt their feelings. Or if we say no to our boss, then we’ll lose our job. But there are some great ways to assert your boundaries so everyone feels good about the situation.

The best way to assert yourself is by having solid boundaries defined first. So know your limits and practice making assertive statements or doing assertive actions.

If you’re often stuck in hallway conversations and want to get back to work, practice smiling and quietly excusing yourself. I promise that it will get easier.

It also helps if you can control your emotions and your mind.

Controlling Your Emotions

It’s normal for people to allow their emotions to take over your mind. If someone says something that you feel is hurtful or cruel, you focus on that and replay the conversation over and over. And then you get angry at yourself for thinking about it, right?

There are two ways to handle that will help your soul find inner peace. You can even do both.

Assert Your Boundaries Successfully

If someone overcharged you, have them fix it. If an ex keeps calling after you’ve asked them not to, be more clear with your message.

I was talking with a friend the other day about how often we women use hedging words. “If it’s ok…”  “I don’t know what you think…”  “If you don’t mind…”

We need to be more clear in our language as to what we want, and use “I” language rather than “You.”

Learn to say “I’d rather you didn’t speak to me in that way. It’s not ok with me,” rather than “You’re so rude to me.”

Do you have a family member asking you very personal questions and it makes you feel upset? You can say that you would rather discuss something else, and then change the topic. They may try to bring it back around to what they want to talk about, and you can keep turning ti to something else.

Remember, less said is more. You don’t have to explain why you don’t want to talk about it.

Let It Go

You can choose to let it go, and accept that the other person is just being who they are. That doesn’t mean you have to accept it. If you’re mom asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, just politely decline, and then let it go. Don’t feel the need to tell her why you think she was thoughtless since you are clearly busy.

You can use meditation and journaling to release it. Treat your mind like a garden and pull out the weeds. You don’t want to let that situation have control over your happiness.

Another method is to acknowledge the feeling and then focus on something that makes you smile. I keep family pictures nearby to give me a pick-me-up and focus on what’s important.

Controlling Your Time

Is your to-do list huge and you wonder how you’ll get everything done in the day? Or do you have difficulties setting boundaries when other people ask you to volunteer or take on more work?

Then you should look into doing weekly planning to see where your important tasks are, and learn how to either say no or say not right now.

Assert Your Boundaries

In 7 Habits for Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen R. Covey offered a simple method of declining. He recommended that you thank people for thinking of you and simply state that you won’t be able to take on that task. It helps the person asking feel good because you’re showing your appreciation. And you’re also not taking on the task.

At work, you may have some difficulties if your manager is loading you up with tasks. One method I’ve learned is to sit down and ask your manager how you should prioritize all of  your responsibilities. This is when you can bring up your other tasks and their deadlines. She may not remember all that you’re doing.

And it’s possible that you are working on a task that should drop off your list based on new priorities.

What Are Your Priorities

When we’re dealing with commitments, often the situation boils down to your priorities and goals. Are you saying yes to something because you forgot that you already signed up for two other things?

Or perhaps something urgent popped up, but it’s not really important. The key is to learn what is urgent and important so you can tackle those items first. Then you can move on to the important tasks and find a way to ignore the non-important items.

Set Time for Yourself

Often, we put everyone else before ourselves. It’s essential to take care of ourselves as I mentioned in the prior blog post on self-care.

You should not feel guilty setting aside time to do your hobbies. It helps you recharge and be more available and successful with your relationships and your work.

One way is to block out time on your calendar for yourself. And then treat that time like an important appointment or a meeting. If you continually reschedule yourself, spend some meditation time on building up your sense of self-worth. You do deserve it.

My Final Thoughts

You will find inner peace when you know who you are and where your boundaries are. When you know your priorities, you’ll know how to make the choices in the moment.

You’ll gain more motivation and inner strength the more you cultivate a strong mind and healthy soul.

And make sure you set boundaries for yourself. Often we negotiate away the time we should spend on taking care of our souls.