Building Better Relationships (Have a Happier 2020) -

Relationships provide the color and meaning to our lives. A moment is only ever improved by being able to share it with somebody else.

Most of us would say that close and deep relationships are the most important factor for creating a meaningful life.

Isn’t it strange then how important relationships are, but no one has ever taught us how to build real relationships. You would think there’d be courses in school, wouldn’t you?

I suspect that we humans don’t like talking about improving relationships because we don’t want to admit that we could use the help. After all, shouldn’t we just know how to do it?

Sometimes. But for most of us, a little help skill building would be a blessing.

And even if we have a solid the relationship with a group of friends, it can always get better, right?

It Starts In Your Heart

The first place to start improving relationships is with you.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “To have a friend you need to be a friend.”

Spend a little time on self-reflection. If you find yourself repeating the same problems with friends, you might want to ask if there’s something you need to change.

Accept That You’re Human

We’re all human, and we all have our little foibles. The more we are aware of them, the easier it will be to stop pushing people away when we really want them to get closer.

Where to Start?

A relationship starts with a conversation. Most of us were told to learn small-talk.

There are some of us out there who find it silly and pointless. But it does have its use.

For example, if the other person is shy or nervous, going into a deep conversation on the meaning of life may overwhelm them

And don’t pepper with questions.

There is a big difference between showing interest in someone and interrogating them. Learning the art of small talk allows us to gently get to know one another while building trust.

We don’t want to force the relationship. Start simply by asking how their day went. What’s good about this is that it will include tidbits to learn more about your conversation partner.

It also allows you to identify additional questions. Just remember not to ask them too many. And it’s okay to bring up your own personal experiences, but don’t make it all about you.

How to Make More Meaningful and Lasting Friendships

It was a lot easier to make friends when we were children. We can walk right up to somebody on a playground and ask if they wanted to play with us.

If we tried to do that as adults, it could be pretty awkward. Could you imagine walking up to somebody in a shopping mall and asking if they wanted to hang out with you?

Create Opportunities to Meet People

The biggest challenge is finding places to actually meet people. The good news is that the Internet has helped make this easier. You can find interest clubs or classes.

Clubs and classes are a great way to develop ourselves and meet like-minded people.

You can also get involved with your local community or a religious organization. Volunteering is another way of meeting people while making an impact in your area.

Other simple ways are getting together with friends and having them bring additional friends so you can expand your circle. Also look into reconnecting with old friends who may have dropped off due to life circumstances.

Lifting the Relationships to the Next Level

Learning to get comfortable with meeting people is a great first step. But that’s not making friends.

The next step is asking the person if they’d like to go out for coffee or catch up. You want to find that’s not to time intensive but gives you an opportunity to continue getting to know this person.

Most people want to be friends. Were very tribal being. We just need to be careful not to be creepy or clingy. Unfortunately there’s no concrete rule to tell you when to ask this other person out. To try and find a way to make it okay for them to say no.

One tip is that if they say “I can’t that day, but I could on the next day.” then they do want to get together and they’re enjoying becoming friends.

Other ways to develop a friendship would be to talk about signing up for another class together. Or becoming running or gym buddies.

Then gently start going a little deeper in conversations from weather to dreams and ambitions.

The key is to identify and create shared experiences.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Feeling very uncomfortable in social settings could mean you have social anxiety.

It’s not uncommon with introverts.

You will need to do some self-reflection to help yourself with this. Try to treat it as a game. The voice in your head may be telling you that they don’t want to talk to you and that you’re a bother.

So find a way to help yourself release those thoughts. Harv Eker recommends thanking the thought and then moving forward. Next you want to positive thought.

Feel confident and tell yourself that they will find you interesting, and that you want to get to know them better because they are probably interesting. One other tip is to remind yourself that on the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.

If you get embarrassed, or say something wrong, you can always apologize and move on. Chances are the never remember it.

And this helps you learn to relax in social interactions and build up your relationship skills.

Just Be Yourself

Don’t try to say things to impress others. There’s a difference between mentioning something and bragging about it.

You want to appear genuinely kind and authentic. And the more people get to see the real you, the stronger the relationship. After all you don’t want the to like you for who you’re not.

Gently Changing Existing Relationships

Have you ever felt like you didn’t really want to go hang with your friends because they make you feel uncomfortable?

Sometimes we don’t set boundaries early on and the relationship develops where everyone continues to treat you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Part of having a real and meaningful relationship is knowing how to stand up for yourself and letting your friends know that you want to make some changes in the existing dynamic.

You can be friendly and kind. Chances are your friend doesn’t even know that they’re making you feel uncomfortable with what they’re doing.

When you talk with use “I” language. This is where you tell the person how you personally feel.

For example, “I feel like you choose where we eat. I would like to have some input.” Your friend may feel uncomfortable at first. And that’s okay.

We all feel uncomfortable when growing. If they are a true friend than they will want to continue building an authentic and deep relationship.

Sometimes we have to set limits and boundaries to some friendships while we develop other friendships. And that’s okay as well. We need different friends at different times in our lives.

My Final Thoughts

All of our relationships are different. We have friendships. We have family relationships. We have business relationships. And many more types.

If you want to expand your circle, spend some time reflecting on who you are and where you can improve yourself.

Then look for opportunities to meet more people. Be kind and confident as you reach out gently to get to know new people.

Finally, ask yourself if you’re happy with how a relationship is going. Set boundaries to make adjustments, or know when to let a relationship go.

The most exciting thing about having a solid relationship is that it does make your experiences so much more fun. I took a vacation with my daughter and we had an absolute blast. We’ll talk about the memories forever.

And that’s what I want for you.